How to successfully navigate the Arranged marriage market?

Are you a young woman in her early 20s afraid of public gatherings? Are you constantly terrified of the haunting looks of the hungry mamas and gossiping relatives who suddenly show a lot of interest in your life playing matchmaker? Are you scrolling through Instagram cringing at all the weird hashtags of the couples or being spammed with photos and videos of couples running across the beach or cozying around bushes wearing gowns that fly over 100 meters? Oh, I know who you are and I welcome you to the prying eyes of the marriage market.

You must be in your 20s, finished college a couple of years ago still figuring out life when this question pops around you.

‘ When are you getting married?’

However, every time I hear this, I imagine really creative answers in my head but I rather smile and avoid answering it altogether. It’s definitely an agony when you have to explain to people that the time you get married is not an age but rather a state of mind.

Once you have finally figured out that you might be open to marriage, comes the whole ordeal of finding a suitor. In many families, apart from finding a suitor who is the best a manageable fit for their child, there are factors that vary through religion, language, caste, class, wealth (also known as the dowry which is for another post ), and finally the irrefutable misery of getting an acceptable horoscope match. It pains beyond words to entirely explain the stress men and women both are put under during this regimen. As the digital age dawned upon us came the birth of matrimony websites – the predecessor to modern dating apps only without the swipe function. It’s a stock of their best-looking photographs along with their biodata(and salary).

What waits forth is an amplitude of desperate parents calling upon you, to begin with knowing your name and worth, then possibly ending up with your birth details to check if the sun, moon, and the planets align to make your marriage life work. Perchance someone actually doesn’t think you are short or have dark skin or a crooked nose or not earning enough, and your horoscopes also end up with a good 8/10 match, the families might actually agree to an official meeting. Here you must not be dubious enough to believe this has anything to do with you or your suitor getting along, but a show of accomplishments and might. If you are truly lucky, you might get a couple of minutes for small talk with your suitor and the rest is history.

To say is easy the simplicity of this procedure but your luck and patience play an undeniable role. It can be mentally taxing for those who get repeatedly rejected for reasons they are born with. It can be a burden for someone who is clearly not ready but coerced into the system for varied reasons. It’s not a burden particular for genders yet I have to agree with the existence of some prejudices imposed on women who do not marry early. They are looked upon with constant doubt and judgment leading to scarring them enough to be afraid of public gatherings and lonely enough to question themselves if the reason for their mere existence is extending the family tree of their husband. And no words of pity are enough for those barren wombs whose life is considered a joke.

Marriage isn’t about a grand wedding or two people, but the co-existence of two families and the societies around them. It is a bond expected to be created instantly but must last for a lifetime. The same children who were hushed in their adolescence when they had attractions are pushed into a situation where they need to be intimate with a person they barely know. None of this seems right or fair, yet we have to be grateful and enter this sham assuming everything will fall in place hoping time would aid.

Thus, readers who are yet to enter the marriage market or those on the shallow ends, I give you one final piece of advice. You ought to know your worth and be vocal about your ambitions and priorities for the future. Marriage will be a remarkable phase in your life that you can neither reverse nor forget and hence haste proves no good. I am sure that you will know when you are ready to love and let your two worlds collide.

#matrimony #weddings #horoscope #marriages #anxiety #indianmarriage