How to not expect and lead a happy life?
- Niveditha V
- Jun 29, 2021
- 2 min read
I know what you are thinking and you are right. I’m asking you not to expect – neither from my writing nor from people in your life. And why do I think it’s wise? I think when you stop expecting, you start exploring. Isn’t that a bit more fun?
I’m asking you not to expect anything from anyone. Simple. Why? Because you don’t want people to expect anything from you. Expectations have existed our entire life and we never realize how it has been a significant factor when taking major choices in life. We grew up with expectations all around us. If you’re a middle-class south Asian, I am sure you know what I’m talking about. Parents expected us to complete their unfulfilled wishes, teachers wanted us to ace is class, our friends wanted us to be available and none of them seems so hard and you went along because it felt right.
You could ask me if is it completely wrong to expect at all. Can’t I expect some rewards for my hard work? Yes, you can but it shouldn’t be the only reason who want to work hard. Rewards can’t be the only reason for your motivation. I’m not asking you to work for free. I’m telling you to not expect validation for your work. Stop looking out for feedback or recognition from your peers.
I know it all seems so absurd. You might ask how do I grow without feedback? Well, you’re right. We need feedback, suggestions, and advice from our peers but I’m asking to you not expect it. Instead, I want you to ask for it. Simple, right?
Expectations can get complicated when it comes to relationships and like I keep saying, stop it- be it your partner, your family, or friends. Have you expected certain things from your loved one and later got disappointed in its absence? Have you expected attention from someone and never got it? Have you wanted your partner to know you so well enough to complete your sentences, but he can’t even recall your favorite movie? All of these are expectations you develop in your head but look for in other people. Many of these expectations begin before forming the relationship itself, inspired by our idols on screen or on social media. But what they forget to mention is it takes two to build a relationship. Have you ever thought about what your father expects from you? Have you wondered what your partner wants? Instead of thinking about your expectations they didn’t meet, think about their expectations you didn’t meet. Isn’t the thought itself suffocating?
I’d be a hypocrite if I say I don’t have expectations at all. But I’m going to try to be empathetic and ask the same from you. And if you do want something (not expect), TALK and not CONTEMPLATE.
Hoping this wisdom can bring some peace to your life.
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