How to put a full stop on self oriented perfectionism?

Do you know that around 18 million people went through cosmetic surgeries in the year 2019 alone? Do you know that every hour there is a student who commits suicide out of extreme pressure? Do you know than an average Indian wedding can cost around 20 lakhs to 5 crores depending on their social status? These aren’t just random statistics, but our relentless acts to achieve perfection.

But what is perfection? According to wiki, it’s the state of flawlessness. This is a mentally perceived state that could never have an end and subjective to the person experiencing it. Then what we are actively chasing every day is nothing but a mirage. That’s disappointing but the truth.

A huge number of people undergo plastic surgeries to change how they look to match the ideal beauty standards set by the Patriarchy for years. Many women do not feel comfortable in their own bodies. Sometimes they want to change their skin tone, get a nose job, make their boobs or butt bigger, get flawless wrinkle free skin in their 50s. There’s nothing wrong to want to change the way you look, but the reason why we do it is mostly flawed. We don’t do it for ourselves, but only to match the unrealistic expectations existing around us.

A friend once asked me if we need to cosmetically brighten our private parts and be hairless everyday when we are going to be sexually active. This question hit me as a surprise as to what kind of toxic expectations have been set around us that we don’t feel comfortable in our own body. Taking the above example, my friend dreamed of a flawless vulva because her reference came from the women in porn and similarly we all try to want to look a certain way because a celebrity looked a certain way in a shoot. What you need to know is most of it is not real, some procedures are painful and a whole lot of work goes behind making them look the way they do. What you really need to think here is whether it is worth it in the long run? Would it make you happy for the rest of your life? My guess is no because this idea of beauty changes every day. If you truly want to feel great about your body, find out what you can do with it. You know talents are for all shapes, colours and sizes and not only for the ‘Lean, fair and lovely’.

Apart from not being self-confident, we also tend to project our insecurities on the people around us. Most parents are noticed to have projected the ‘All or nothing’ ideology on their children since a young age by reprimanding them why they haven’t topped their class or why they got 99 and lost that one mark. This ideology has made children believe that if they don’t write their exam well, or didn’t get into the college they want, they look at the world like they have no choice to navigate in life and this becomes one of the main reasons for suicides in our country.

Have you noticed how modern relationships have been fickle compared to a few decades ago? Lack of commitment, infidelity, increase in divorce cases, toxic masculinity and so on. There can be a lot of reasons for bad relationships, but personally I feel on a deeper level love and compassion comes out of respect to the other party. But when you are dissatisfied with the person, his social status, attitude, behaviour, or habits because he/she didn’t meet your prescription of ideal partner that you conceived way before you met the person, it can make your relationship complicated. This unrealistic standard and our inability to accept can cause friction in relationships. I am not going to teach you how to choose the right one. That is a journey everyone has to go through that is unique in its own way. But I insist to stay open and consider in accepting the person how they are instead of carrying around bulletin points you can check.

Breaking out of this vicious cycle in thirst of perfection can be tricky and difficult. All I can say from my limited experience is to get your priorities right and figure out the actual reason behind why you want to pursue it.

I deeply hope that this will provoke thinking in a few people I could reach, aiming to make this world a better place to live in. Until next time.

Stay happy. Stay Positive.

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